The Win Win Spirit

This page is about education but not education in that sense of the word.  You can get a lot of information about the education system in Singapore from the website,

Here, I would like to focus on a different aspect of education as we live our lives.

My reference material is taken from 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families' by Stephen R. Covey.

Point of reference is 'How to Cultivate the Spirit of Win-Win' from Pages 183 to 185 of the book.

I thought I had write about this as I find this particular aspect of the book to be quite apt in some point of some of our lives.


                                                                  How to Cultivate the Spirit of Win-Win


"Don't expect a lot of praise and appreciation from your children.  If it comes, it's an icing on the cake.  But don't expect it.

Be happy and eliminate as many dissatisfiers as possible.

Don't define satisfactions for your kids.  You simply can't force natural processes."


To think     win-win     means that you try to have this spirit of win-win in all faimily interactions.  You always want what's best for everyone involved."


I realised as you pass through life as a parent, you would find that your child at many times will want many things and have many wants. 

But like the book says, "But parenting is not about being popular and giving in to every child's whim and desire.  It's about making decisions that truly are win-win however they may appear to the child at the time." and we as, parents provide "understanding, support, encouragement, love and consistency" and therefore the need for parents to adjust our expectations accordingly for family harmony.


Every time my daughter is not happy with me, I thought I am not a good parent.  I did not do a good job.  I did not do enough.  To all the parents like me out there,  this book also says,  "So don't make the mistake of thinking that your children's expressions of dissatisfaction represent the quality of the job you're doing as a parent.  The key is the relationship."


When I read this, I felt reassured.  I really have done my best.  So all the parents who have been feeling how I have been feeling, be reassured, feel happier, give yourself a hug, and get out of the house and do something happy, something nice for yourself, like going for a good meal at a nice place with a good friend or a sibling, or even just by yourself.  I just did that.  And from now on often will.


The author then went on to mention ways to cultivate the spirit of   Win-Win   whenever we can.  I quote two of the points.

First, "You can let them win in the little things ... It strengthened the relationship ... and take a stand only on things that really count."

Secondly, "You can interact with them around the big things."  Through this way you let them know you truly care for them.


I am still learning about the two points. In real-life scenarios, this  win-win  spirit may be really difficult to put to practice.  It may really tug at your heart and mind to see it through.  It may be tough practice.   Still I will persevere through it, though this inculcation of a win-win spirit has come so late in my life, if it is for improving family relationship and harmony.      


To all parents out there, try if you must, if you think a situation appears as a   lose-win   situation to you - that is parent loses and child wins - it may well turn out to be a true  win-win   family-bonding spirit.